Red, white rose and baby blue

If the plural of mouse is mice
Then
why does it not follow
that the plural of house be
hice, hiice, hi-i-ice
And how is a moose
and some moose
both the same moose
and not differing
meese?
If the woman on the tube says, sayze, sez
Ho-bun (Holborn)
How does it not continue that she also sayze, sez
Key-bun
KILL bun
Key-burn (Kilburn)?

When I ask for a bap
I get a roll of the eyes
When I want fish and a roll in the chippy
I am obliged to ask for
Fish
and
a
roll
And
not
A fish batty
Butty – Buttty
Fish and a roll
is otherwise known
as
A fish BUTTY
Ama right?
BUTT
A fish butty – butty – is not otherwise known
south of the south sign
The south sign which appears
somewhere around…
Birmingham?

I am ridiculed north,
down’t’ginnels and in’t’club
I am mocked darn souf
Saaarf
Darn tesco’s
App West
I don’t visit the midlands much
And
Neither does my
Dialect
Neeether does my diale-
Neether, n-aye-there
Neither does my dialect
I don’t feel like I’m in the middle
so much as
Outside, underneath, in the corner
or best of all..
On top
On top is always on top
Which is a small relief
and a nice feeling sometimes.

I possess the best
And the worst
of both, both, boooth, b-ohhh-th:
B-ohhh-th Poles
I-I-I don’t speak the Queen’s English
A-a-nd and she doesn’t speak mine
But we can still
understand
each other
In words,
at least.

I fink
– Sorry –
I THink
The avva
Uvver
Uther
other
Other
Ather
I think the ahtha
Is always the behh-a, behh-u, be-uh, beTTer, better, Better
I THink the avva iz alwayz the beh-ah,
Whether I drink my ABC out of glaaaahss, glasss, plaahstic
Or the bottle.

I’d rather I be understood
Understanding
Standing
Nowhere in particular
And everywhere
And
being mocked in every place
that I’m not in between
I
am
in between
I’m nowhere
I’m in between
In between I’m me.

I’d rather
– much – rather –
That
than
the
other
Avva
T’other
I’d much rather that than t’other

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